Speak for yourself

(or don't, if Karen and Ed have anything to do with it.) Karen is in town (YAY) and the three of us went out. Hilarity ensued, as per usual, and we learned several things:

1) I am either oblivious (possible) or Ed is full of baloney (also possible) with regard to...steak.
2) Discussion of marriage (any marriage, not just hers) makes Karen hyperventilate
3) I am apparently not allowed to order my own food:

[Background: I had just had practically entire pitcher of mojitos 20 minutes prior and
I...was not in need of more.]
Karen: I'll have a Blue Moon...
Me: I'll have water--
Ed: I'll have a gin-and-tonic, and she'll have a mojito.
Me: No, I'll have water--
Ed: She'll have a mojito.
Waitress: We don't have mojitos.
Me: It's okay, I just want water.
Karen: Anything with rum is fine.
Waitress: Rum and coke?
Me: I JUST WANT WATER. IGNORE THEM, please. I will have WATER.
And then the same thing happened when I tried to order my chicken fingers.
(Waitress: You guys are hilarious. It's like a sitcom over here.)

Heard...

...while out with Karen and Ed tonight
Karen [having a full-on freakout about the idea of marriage]: WHY does everybody want to get MARRIED?! I mean, CALM DOWN, people! SIMMER DOWN! Have a COCKTAIL!

Oh, and also

Happy Birthday, Gretchen! May you have lots of Dr. Pepper and pie.

Why I shouldn't read blogs at work

...or, for that matter, any time I don't have a zillion hours to spare.

BECAUSE THEY ARE ADDICTIVE. Or some of them are, anyway. I was thinking today about how Miss Doxie--one of my favorite blogs and one of a few that totally cracks me up on a regular basis--hasn't posted anything since, I think, October. Where has she been? Why no stories about the dogs or Dukay?

However, I'm not the type to interact with those whose blogs I read, so I haven't emailed her to say "Hi, Miss Doxie, you don't know me, but I like your blog and I miss you. Come back! Sincerely, Me." Though I kinda want to.

Anyway, where I was going with this is that I went to her site during lunch today because I wanted to read an old entry or something just for kicks. Even though, last summer, I read EVERY SINGLE ENTRY SHE EVER WROTE EVER. Since like 2004. And dude, she is prolific (or was, anyway). So there are a lot of entries. And so, as I ate my turkey and avocado sandwich, I found myself spending an entire hour reading stuff that I've already read! Because it was funny! Seriously, it's an illness. I put a post-it on my work computer that says "NBLGS" (or "No Blogs"). We'll see if it works.

An open letter to Les Moonves, Dawn Ostroff, and the network exec at FOX, whatever your name is

Dear sir(s?) and madam(s?):

Was it really necessary to put three of my favorite shows in the exact same time slot at 8pm on Monday night? Really? There are, like, fifteen different primetime timeslots (not including Friday or Saturday). You couldn't spread 'em around a little?

If you could fix this in the fall, that would be great.

Sincerely,
Me

Like a good neighbor

I pride myself on my ability to recognize voiceover talent on commercials. It's weird, yes, but I get unnaturally excited when I identify someone (among them Stockard Channing for AIG, Julia Roberts for some company that I can no longer remember, and--my biggest achievement, which required careful concentration over multiple evenings of TV watching--John Corbett for Applebee's). During The Office this evening, I realized that one Patrick Dempsey is now the voice of my insurance company. Well played, State Farm. McDreamy can be my good neighbor anytime.

Tangent: I am slightly embarrassed to admit that I kinda want to see his new movie, Made of Honor. It looks both awesome and really bad, but I have pretty low standards when it comes to chick flicks, so I think I can take it.

UPDATE (9:58 PM): WHAT ARE THE ODDS?! I typed this post and then, 20 minutes later, saw an Applebee's commercial with John Corbett narrating! And I hadn't seen it in weeks! That thar is unagi.

What's unagi?

According to Ross Gellar on Friends, "unagi" is the karate concept of total awareness. In real life, it's the Japanese word for freshwater eel, which has nothing to do with my blog. In my world (and Jay's. Hi Jay! Miss ya!), unagi is a weird coincidence. Such as when somebody you haven't thought of in five years comes up in conversation and then you run into them the next day. (Blake from 6th grade, I'm talking to you.)

(I figured I ought to explain this somewhere.)

Heard... (work edition)

…as CZ goes through my bookshelf at work
Me: How many Groves [Grove Dictionary of Opera] are sitting there right now?
CZ: Just two.
B [from the other side of the room]: But which Grove is my favorite Grove of all the Groves?
Me: I am!
Sam [under her breath]: Oh gag me…

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.*

It's back it's back it's back it's back it's back!!!!!!

Sorry. I am totally dorking out over the fact that Battlestar Galactica is back for its fourth and final season tonight! Since neither of the exactly 2 people who read this blog are Battlestar fans (unless you are, in which case WHY HAVE WE NEVER DISCUSSED THIS?), I shall explain my excitement:

1) It is awesome.
2) Apollo. Helo. Anders.**
3) Spectacular space battles!
4) Supremely well-developed mythology.
5) Incredibly perceptive commentary on contemporary social and political climate. (That sounds boring, but trust me, it's not.) There's more, of course, but this is a start.

Al and I watched the first two season on DVD about two years ago, and then she bought the first few episodes of Season 3 on iTunes and then watched the rest live. I, however, spent a year waiting for Season 3 to come out on DVD. Which it did, on March 18. So I've been frantically finishing it up this week--averaging 3 episodes per night--in time for the premiere tonight.

* If you don't know what this is referring to, please do yourself a favor and watch Season 3 of The Office, yet another excellent televisual offering.
**There are also some Very Attractive Women in this show, in case that interests anyone.

Velociraptor!

I just saw the preview for Step Brothers, starring Will Ferrell (as Brennan) and John C. Reilly (as Dave). I don't know that I need to see the whole movie, but this did crack me up:

Dave: Okay. Name your favorite dinosaur.
Dave & Brennan: [simultaneously] Velociraptor.
Brennan: If you were a chick, who's the one guy that you would sleep with?
Dave & Brennan: [simultaneously] John Stamos.
Dave: WHAT?!
Brennan: Did we just become best friends?
Dave: Yep!

Jules blogs for Hannah

I've been finding the whole blogging thing a bit daunting of late, particularly with regard to announcing my News. Jules, however, has taken care of it for me. She composed the following haiku on my behalf:

I got a new job.

It's better than my old one.

I can't wait to start.

Anyway, there it is, in a nutshell. The second part isn't really true--can't really say it's better if I haven't started yet--and I'm feeling a bit sad about leaving everybody at WNO, but you get the idea.

At some point, I will expand on the Great Saga of the New Job. But not today.